


Not Like Animals

by SamCyberCat



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 20:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10578510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamCyberCat/pseuds/SamCyberCat
Summary: There were many times during conversations with Momo when Nitori ended up wishing he hadn't asked and many more times when he was left just plain confused. This time he did leave confused, but he was secretly glad that he'd asked.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AmberGalaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberGalaxy/gifts).



> Prompt fill for AmberGalaxy, with the prompts Momotori and "Right… Well… I’m not sure how we ended up kissing like that…"

“That's not how beetles do it though.”

...It was at that point when Nitori realised that he was about to be subjected to a topic of conversation that was too weird, even for him. And if Nitori was honest with himself, he was a pretty weird guy. He kept his umbilical cord in a box on his desk because it had sentimental value, he had a water flea observation diary from grade school on hand just in case he ever needed it and he wore t-shirts with pictures of animals on them that looked like they'd had a run-in with Picasso and then been squashed by a truck. Nitori was weird and he'd be... actually, probably not the first to tell someone that, because he gets self-conscious about it. But once he'd gotten to know a person well enough, if they haven't already figured it out for themselves, then he'd gladly tell them.

Even so, beetle reproduction was where the line was firmly drawn. It wasn't that Nitori had any problem with beetles doing whatever it was that they do, he just didn't need to know about it. That was a whole different kettle of weird that Momo was far more interested in than Nitori was. So as Momo went into graphic detail about exactly how beetles do whatever beetles do, Nitori stared very hard at the book he was pretending to read and hummed loudly in his head to try and block it out.

“...So I guess that's where the confusion comes from,” Momo concluded, after far too long.

It sounded as if he was finished now, so Nitori chanced looking up from the book and pretended to have been listening the whole time.

“That's all very interesting, Momo. You should be on the Discovery Channel or something,” he said, “Your show could be called... um, the Beetle Kiss-Kiss Show or something like that.”

“But beetles don't kiss, I just told you that!” Momo wailed, “If you ever come across a kissing bug then you're in big trouble, because those things are dangerous, but they don't kiss for the same reason that people do.”

“I'm sorry, I guess this just goes over my head,” Nitori admitted. But since he was fully aware of what could come of asking Momo what they did instead of kissing, he didn't dare; “I guess I just never thought about that kind of thing.”

“Kissing's actually kind of weird,” said Momo, completely oblivious to how much cheek he of all people had calling anything weird after what he'd just been saying, “...I mean, hardly any other animals do it except for us. Chimpanzees do, but does that really count? Plus, I think it's for a different reason.”

Nitori snapped his book shut. Now Momo had his attention.

“You don't mean that, do you?” he gasped, “Not even cute little penguins?”

“Well, penguins don't have lips, so how could they?” Momo replied.

“That means... not ducks either?” Nitori asked.

“Nah, not even a little bit,” confirmed Momo, “But ducks are actually pretty interesting. Did you know they have the longest pe-”

“Yes, I knew that!” Nitori screeched, before Momo could carry on and ruin ducks for him. Beetles were one thing, but Nitori actually liked ducks and didn't want to have to think of Momo's gross facts whenever he saw one. It was best to move this conversation along; “So why do people kiss if other animals don't do it?”

“I don't know,” Momo said, with a shrug, “There's been studies on it, but I'm not interested in learning about people, so I never read any.”

Nitori stared at him; “...You mean to tell me that you can recite what a beetle gets up to off by heart, but you've never wanted to find out why humans do what they do?”

“Don't say it like that! You make it sound strange,” Momo protested.

“Because it is strange!” pressed Nitori, “I'm sorry, Momo... That sounded worse than I meant it to. What I'm trying to say is that maybe one day you'll be with someone and you'll want to try these things, but you won't know what to do because you've been spending all this time thinking about anything else except how people do stuff.”

Momo folded his arms and pouted, which made him look far too adorable and even Nitori could admit that.

“Maybe I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to talk about how cool beetles are anyway...” he muttered.

“Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easily,” said Nitori, “Let's suppose that you do find the perfect person someday who's as interested in insects as you are, but even then they want to kiss you sometimes. Then what are you going to do?”

“I never thought about that...” Momo admitted. He took a few moments to reflect upon this and then, in true Momo fashion, he freaked out, raising his hands to rub through his hair frantically; “Gaaaah, Aiiii...! What am I going to do? I can't let them down!”

“Calm down, Momo. Right now there's no one to let down,” Nitori pointed out.

“But one day there will be! Maybe there'll even be many people, because I'm pretty great. But they'll all leave when they find out that I can't even kiss them right!” cried Momo.

“I'm sure by that time you'll have figured out-”

“...You're right! You can help me figure it out!” Momo interrupted.

“That wasn't what I said,” Nitori tried.

But it was too late. Momo had grabbed him by the shoulders and was staring deep into his eyes in a way that looked completely manic. The Mikoshiba brothers had these intense yellow eyes that Nitori had never seen on any other person before. When they stared at you, you knew about it. And part of Nitori wasn't... completely opposed to that, but right now Momo's face looked a little unsettling.

“Please, Ai... please, please can we kiss each other so I can figure this out?” Momo begged.

“W-w-what makes you think I k-know all about this...!” Nitori wailed, his face now bright red.

“Because you have all those magazines under your bed, don't you? I know you spend a lot more time thinking about it than I do, so you're probably an expert. I need some of your expertise to help me understand,” said Momo.

“Okay, first of all, never talk about my magazines again,” Nitori warned, “Second of all, I'm... not that much of an expert, but I guess I could... try to teach you what I know.”

“Thank you so much, Ai! You won't regret it!” cheered Momo.

Right. So they were doing this. R-right... Nitori better get himself ready. He took a deep breath and started to speak again.

“So the first thing you need to do is-”

That was when Momo chose to slap their faces together in what was probably the most unromantic way possible. It was a miracle that he didn't leave them both with a concussion, but he did come at Nitori with enough force to knock them both down onto the bed. Then the next thing that Nitori knew was all lips. At least until the tongue got involved. W-wait... they were doing tongues, too? Apparently that was the case. You could say something for Momotarou Mikoshiba, when he went at something, he gave it his all and he was definitely going at this. Nitori felt himself resting back and actually begin to enjoy it, in some weird way. Even in Nitori's wildest fantasies about Rin it hadn't ever been this intense.

By the time Momo pulled back, they were both panting. Momo looked down at him with a face almost as red as Nitori assumed his own was and his hair looked even more messed up than usual. A long moment passed in which neither of them knew what to say, but then Nitori figured that he had to say something, so he tried to pull himself together.

“Right... Well... I'm not sure how we ended up kissing like that...” he managed, “But that's... definitely one way to do it...”

Now Momo beamed down at him, satisfied to have gotten Nitori's praise.

“Okay cool, so I've got this kissing people thing sorted then,” Momo replied, “Now I don't have to worry about it any more.”

“Hold on, I wouldn't go that far,” said Nitori, “I mean, you can certainly kiss people without also head-butting them at the same time, for a start.”

“I mean... I guess?” mused Momo, “But in the animal kingdom, head-butting is a way-”

“Look, I'm not talking about the animal kingdom, I'm talking about Momo and his sweetheart,” Nitori snapped, “You also have to learn to kiss them in a tender way to get all of your, um, soft feelings across.” ...As if there was anything about this guy that was soft.

“...Oh, okay then. So I still have some things to learn,” agreed Momo, “So will you teach me how to do the tender kissing as well?”

Nitori sighed, “...All this kissing. You should take me out to dinner first and then I'll think about it.”

“Sure! Where do you want to go? There's this sweet place in town that does the best spaghetti with fried eggs, we could totally go there tonight if you want,” Momo offered.

“I was... joking?” replied Nitori. Although actually, the invitation was quite nice. It wasn't often that Nitori got asked out on a date, even if it was for the ulterior motive of teaching about kissing, “...Actually, sure. Let's go to that place. I mean, not because I won't teach you otherwise, because that'd be mean, but getting out for a while might be nice.”

“It's a date,” Momo cheered, just in case Nitori had any doubt that it... um, wasn't a date; “I can't wait to try all this kissing stuff in public so people can see how great we are at it!”

“Hold on a second, I didn't say we'd be doing the kissing at the restaurant! At least not the way you were kissing me just before anyway,” retorted Nitori.

Momo smirked; “...Why? Are you worried that other people might get jealous?”

Oh no... that was... way too smooth to have come out of Momo's mouth. It made Nitori feel weird things inside and he just wasn't having it. So he grabbed the nearest pillow and started to beat Momo across the chest with it.

“You will behave when we're on our date, got it?” he insisted.

“Got it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ask Sousuke for some advice about dating,” Momo said, pulling himself up off the bed.

“W-wait... I thought I was the one giving you the advice,” whined Nitori.

“Yeah, for kissing. But I can't ask you for advice about dating if you're the one I'm dating. So it has to be Sousuke now, since I bet he knows all about dating and junk,” Momo reasoned. He was already halfway to the door.

“You shouldn't... assume that about him...” Nitori mumbled. By the time he'd pulled himself up properly from the bed, Momo had disappeared around the door, so Nitori yelled, “Get back here by seven, okay? Or I'm leaving without you!”

“Got it!” Momo called.

...And that was how Nitori got his first date with Momo. When he looked back on it, even just the next day, he wouldn't be able to tell someone exactly how it happened. They were just a weird couple of guys, he supposed. And maybe weird wasn't all bad.


End file.
